Learn the answers to the 10 most-asked wedding etiquette questions

Photo taken at the Foothills by Andrew & Melanie Photography

Why does planning a wedding get so stressful? Because it’s a major challenge to create a celebration that’s individual to you, makes your friends and family happy, doesn’t go too far over budget, and follows wedding etiquette rules! Even though some wedding etiquette rules might feel outdated, there are a few that are around for a reason. Today, the Foothills is sharing 10 of the most-asked wedding etiquette questions, and our practical answers.

1. Who should pay for the wedding?

Couples today rarely follow the traditional “who pays for what” rules precisely. Half of all modern couples pay for most of their wedding themselves. Your parents can contribute in a variety of ways, including paying for specific wedding-related events or products. For example, they might pay for the rehearsal dinner, or for the catering.

2. How can I ask my parents to contribute to my wedding?

Very thoughtfully and politely. Sometimes parents will openly tell you that they’ll help you out, but you might need to make the first move. Prepare your parents ahead of time for the conversation.
When you ask your parents about the subject, start by asking them if (not how much) they could contribute. If they say yes, be prepared to discuss how much they’d be able to spend, or what areas of the wedding they’d like to pay for. Make sure you know how much wedding-related services cost, so you can give your parents an idea. No matter how this potentially sensitive conversation goes, be as grateful as possible.

3. Can I create an “A-list” and “B-list” for my guest lists?

Some couples create A and B guest lists to create a “hierarchy” of their guests. The B-list is used like as a waitlist for your wedding. Everyone on the A-list gets invited, but if someone on that list can’t make it, someone from the B-list receives an invite.
This approach to wedding invites is dangerous because people will probably find out they’ve been invited late to a wedding and feel insulted. If you’re going to make A-list and B-lists, only use them when you begin creating your guest list. The lists should only be used to help you and should remain just between you and your fiance. Once you send out your invitations, don’t invite more guests if members of the A-list decline.

4. Can I fire a member of our wedding party?

It might be your first instinct to fire a bridesmaid or groomsman who’s causing drama. But think long and hard before you decide to do this because it’ll probably mean that your relationship with them is over. Unless they’ve genuinely done something unforgivable, keep them in your wedding but have a heart-to-heart about any remaining issues.

5. Can I put our registry information on the invitations?

No, because this looks like you’re directly asking people for gifts and that’s tacky. That’s not what your wedding is about. As an etiquette-friendly alternative, try listing your wedding website on your invitations. On your wedding website, you can put your registry information.

Bride and her bridesmaids at the Foothills Event Center

Photo taken at the Foothills by Andrew & Melanie Photography

6. I was a bridesmaid for a friend a long time ago, but we no longer keep in touch. Do I need to include them in my wedding party?

Your wedding party should include friends and family members you’re close to now. Don’t feel as though you have to ask someone to be in your party because you were in theirs. If you’re no longer close, it’s doubtful that your friend will want to be in your wedding party. After all, they probably don’t know the other members of the wedding party, so it would be an awkward experience for everyone.

7. What’s my deadline for sending thank-you notes?

You might have read somewhere that you have a year after your wedding to send thank-you notes. Please don’t follow this rule, because people will wonder if you received their gifts. Try to write and send your thank-yous within two to three weeks for gifts you received before your wedding. After your wedding, try to write them within a month or two.

8. Do I have to invite everyone’s kids, too?

Yes, but if you don’t want kids at your wedding, you’ll need to stick to that rule. If you’re saying “no kids,” then don’t make any exceptions. The only logical exception is if you have a handful of children in the wedding party. You can include these kids but then say no to the rest, if you so wish.

9. Do I have to invite my co-workers?

Are you friends with your colleagues outside of the office? Then, invite them by all means. But if you aren’t super-close, don’t feel that you must invite them. If you’re inviting a few work colleagues, you need to invite your boss too. Your wedding will likely be discussed at your office, so you don’t want things to get awkward when your boss finds out they aren’t invited too. It’s fine if you’re not inviting anyone from work; just keep talk about your wedding to a minimum.

10. Who should I invite to the rehearsal dinner?

You have some choices here, but it will depend on your budget. Some couples invite just their immediate family and wedding party members. Others choose to invite guests traveling from out-of-town as well. If you’re not able to invite too many guests, try meeting up for an after-party at a local bar. That way, you can welcome all of your wedding guests without paying for everyone’s meals.
The Foothills Event Center is located conveniently near downtown Grass Valley. We’re just off the Idaho Maryland exit from Highway 49. You can find directions to the Foothills here.

We’d love to give you a complimentary tour so that you can see why we’re the top Nevada County wedding venue!

Give us a call at 530-271-1000 to schedule your tour.